Family is important. Life can shift in an instant. A sudden illness, a fall, or even the gradual changes that come with aging can leave families scrambling to make decisions they aren’t ready for. When choices are made in crisis, everyone feels stressed, rushed, and uncertain.
The better way is to talk now. Starting these conversations early puts you in control, eases the worry for your family, and creates peace of mind all around.
Why It Helps to Start Early
Waiting until something urgent happens limits your options and increases stress. When emotions run high, important details can get overlooked.
Starting now gives you space. It means your family doesn’t have to guess what you want, and you don’t have to worry about being misunderstood. Early conversations give everyone the confidence of knowing what matters most to you.
Bringing Your Family Into the Conversation
You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Invite the people closest to you—children, siblings, or trusted friends—to sit down together. Having everyone at the table reduces confusion later and helps share responsibilities fairly.
A helpful step is to make a short list of the topics you want to cover, such as healthcare, housing, or finances. That way nothing important gets left out.
And remember, your doctor is part of the team too. They can explain the changes you might face in the years ahead and help your planning stay realistic.
Keeping Your Voice at the Center
This is your life, and your voice belongs at the center of every decision.
Ask yourself:
- What matters most to me if my health changes?
- Would I prefer to stay in my home with support, or consider other options?
- What goals do I still want to reach? They may be big, or they may be small.
When your family understands your priorities, they can align their support with what matters most to you.
Creating Family Conversations That Build Respect
Family talks about the future can stir emotions. Loved ones may be worried about your safety, while you may be concerned about holding onto your independence. Listening closely to one another helps bridge those differences.
Sometimes a simple ground rule—listening without interruption—keeps conversations calm and respectful.
Language matters too. If you prefer certain words, let people know. Keep the focus positive by talking about keeping life safe, simple, and meaningful. Stories and gentle questions, such as What makes you proud? or What do you hope never changes?, can build trust and connection.
Making It an Ongoing Process
There isn’t one perfect time to start, but there is a good guideline. Experts call it the 40/70 Rule:
when adult children turn 40 or parents reach 70, it’s time to begin.
These conversations don’t need to cover everything at once. Break them into smaller talks. One month you might focus on legal planning. Another time you might talk about driving. Later, you can discuss daily living arrangements. Life changes, and your plans can evolve along with it.
Putting Your Plans on Paper
Talking is powerful, but documents make it official. Work with an attorney to prepare or update your will, powers of attorney, and advance directives. These protect your wishes if a time comes when you can’t speak for yourself.
Far from limiting independence, putting plans on paper safeguards it. You decide, and your family has the guidance they need.
Taking the First Gentle Step
Every family has its own style and history. If the first conversation doesn’t go smoothly, try again later. You can also bring in a professional, such as a care manager or financial planner, to help guide the discussion.
What matters is beginning. Your first step could be simple:
- Ask your doctor what to expect in the coming years.
- Share a story about a friend who planned well, or one who struggled without a plan.
- Sit with your family and say, “I’d like to talk about my wishes for the future.”
These conversations are not about giving up independence. They are about protecting it, and about love. Starting now gives you and your family clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.
To help get the conversation started, here is a list of games that you can use to start the conversation about the future including end-of-life care. You can find these on our Free Resources page.
 | Hello is a conversation game. It’s the easy, non-threatening way to start a conversation with your family and friends about what matters most to you. Many groups have organized Hello Game activities and then used our Conversation Starter Guide to help guide them through reflecting on their end-of life values and wishes. |
 | The Death Deck is a party game that lets you explore a topic we’re all obsessed with but often afraid to discuss. Team up with partners or play in a group – you’ll find out fascinating stuff about each other. Here’s a sample question from the deck: You get to relive one day in your life before you die. Which one would it be? |
 | The E•O•L (End of Life) Deck is a tool used by families, caregivers, and healthcare providers to help facilitate conversations about end-of-life wishes. With a casual tone, multiple-choice and open-ended questions, the E•O•L Deck makes starting conversations about what matters most a little easier. |
 | The Heart2Hearts deck of cards were invented in order to provide 52 conversation starters. You may find that you want to use them to play poker or as a regular deck of cards. Be prepared to have the most meaningful Heart2Hearts conversation of your life. |
 | Go Wish gives you an easy, even entertaining way to talk about what is most important to you. The cards help you find words to talk about what is important if you were to be living a life that may be shortened by serious illness. |
 | Now and Then is a game that guides you and your loved ones on a journey through your past, present, and future. As you roll the dice and explore the board, you’ll discover challenges, some light and fun, others deeper. By the end of the game, you’ll have made all the decisions you needed to get your affairs in order. |
 | Nothing Left Unsaid is a game about bringing people closer, whether you’re gathered for a family get-together, celebrating the holidays, or even visiting a loved one in a hospice or nursing home. They’re designed to spark meaningful stories, heartfelt reflections, and those important conversations about estate planning and end-of-life tasks we sometimes don’t know how to start. |
External links that can also help: